How to communicate with children after a divorce? Does a father have the right to see his child after a divorce? Divorce: How long does a father see a child?

Today, divorce is common, but despite this, it is still a difficult ordeal for any family. Often adults, busy with mutual reproaches and claims, forget that the child (children) in this situation is the most affected party. It is the parents and how their separation occurs that determines how it will affect the child: whether the parents’ divorce will become the deepest stress for him, which will leave its mark for the rest of his life, or whether such a situation will be another stage in his life, which will not in any way affect his cheerfulness and trust in others. How should you behave during a divorce and what should you do to traumatize your child as little as possible?

The main question that parents face after a divorce is who the child will stay with. In this situation, the opinion of the child himself plays an important role, which must be clarified as correctly as possible. The breakdown of family relationships and disagreements between spouses have a negative impact on the upbringing of a child (children) in the family.

Mutual cooperation.
After a divorce, a woman needs to take on the role of an “independent” mother. In no case should she show her resentment and experiences of her “ex-wife” and transfer them to a new role, and especially to her relationship with her child. The divorce of spouses does not mean the loss of their parental role. Mom and dad are the two most important and necessary people in the life of a child (children). Therefore, it is necessary to organize your life in such a way that both parents feel comfortable and care for the child (children) as much as possible.

Often, divorced mothers only complicate the consequences of separation from their husband for the child by prohibiting the father from meeting the child (children) and refusing any kind of help from him. It often happens that a woman comes up with a number of conditions, observing which the father will be able to communicate and take care of his child (children). As a rule, a woman is driven to do this by resentment, injured pride, and by doing this she tries to “revenge” herself, forgetting about the feelings and rights of the child to paternal support and care.

Naturally, it is not easy for a mother left with a child in her arms without the support of her husband-father, since now she must provide for all the worries and needs on her own. All thoughts about an unsuccessful family life and one’s destiny only undermine self-confidence and in one’s abilities. Therefore, it is necessary to distance yourself from the contradictory advice of relatives and the opinions of friends, stop looking for those to blame and try to take revenge in some way. It is necessary to think about how to establish life in new conditions and provide the child and yourself with minimal support. Try to maintain a friendly relationship with your husband to make it easier for both of you to fulfill your responsibilities as parents. In such cases, you should not wait for something or put forward your demands, but discuss in a specific way in which areas of the child’s life (children) the father’s participation is simply necessary. Give an example of communication options that would suit you, name the restrictions. In general, try to reduce your relationship with your ex-spouse to cooperation, which will only be for the benefit of your child (children).

In addition, you should be prepared for the fact that your ex-spouse will also express his wishes or raise objections to yours. You must accept this forced relationship with your ex-spouse and see it only as a partnership in raising your child(ren). Correctness and restraint in relationships with your ex-husband will serve a good purpose and will allow you to focus on finding the most acceptable conditions.

Free meetings or schedule?
Often after a divorce, the question of spending time between the child and the absent parent in the family becomes acute. As a rule, mothers believe that visits between a child and their father should be strictly regulated, while fathers consider this proposal to be a kind of infringement of their parental rights and a manifestation of mistrust. In this situation, you need to justify your position. For example, during expected visits from the father, the child experiences less discomfort, since stability has a beneficial effect on the child’s psyche, and even more so for a stressful situation like divorce. Established meeting times allow the child and mother to prepare for the meeting with the father. In addition, this state of affairs will prevent possible misunderstandings, for example, when there are guests in the house or when the child is not inclined to communicate due to a bad mood. If the father expresses a desire to take the child with him, the mother has free time, which she can spend at her own discretion. However, with any preliminary agreements on the schedule of meetings, you must be prepared for unplanned “ideas.” “By going too far” in discussing the time and number of meetings between the child and the father, you may lose help from the child’s father, even in emergency situations.

How much time should a father spend with his child?
How much time a child should spend with his father, in order not to feel deprived of his attention, the mother must decide on her own, without being influenced by strangers or examples of acquaintances. In this matter it is necessary to find a middle ground. You should not impose your idea of ​​the relationship between father and children on father and child. Former spouses need to mutually discuss the time that he can devote to the child. It is better for the father to spend several hours a month with the child, but they will be memorable, joyful and mutually enjoyable for both, than to meet “under duress” every weekend, without receiving any benefit or pleasure. Naturally, it is not easy for a mother to answer something vague every time when a child asks about dad. However, if you yourself realize that a child’s communication with his father is not measured by the amount of time spent together, the more optimism you will convey to the child. It would be appropriate for the child’s father to tell him that the child misses him, but this must be done in such a way that it does not look like a reproach, but that his attention is so necessary for the child (children).

Where should meetings between the child and the father take place?
The question of whose territory the child’s meetings with his father should take place is also important. It happens that parents cannot see each other at all after a divorce. If the father wants the child (children) to be with him at home during meetings, it is necessary to discuss everyday issues, remind about the peculiarities of the child’s regime and his diet, but do not do this in too much detail. After all, there is nothing wrong with the fact that dad’s way of life at home is different from that of the child and mother. The most important thing is to show that you trust your ex-husband, and he, sensing this, will approach the little guest responsibly.

Of course, if you do nothing while visiting your dad other than watching TV and playing games on the computer, this is not an option. You can invite dad to take the child to a play or tell him about interesting exhibitions, take the child for a walk in the park, etc. Only on your part such a proposal should not sound like criticism. In cases where a child shares with his mother about his day with his father, and if the mother hears something unexpected, you should not grab the phone and scold the parent for his irresponsibility. You just need to think carefully about how to avoid repeating the situation next time.

In cases where the father comes to meet the child, the mother naturally experiences some discomfort. Therefore, you can discuss this issue with your ex-spouse and agree on your leaving home for personal matters while the child communicates with the father. If dad is categorically against being left alone with the child (children), in this situation you need to try to build a new calm and friendly relationship.

What should you tell your child?
You need to try so that for your child your separation from your husband does not become a disaster, but is just a stage in life that you just need to get used to, and that you are ready to help him with this. Under no circumstances seek consolation from your child, do not demand his support, do not try to win him over to your side, and do not allow your ex-spouse to do this. A child is a vulnerable creature who needs to be sure that any decisions of the parents are reasonable and justified, that they can maintain respect and trust for each other no matter what. Therefore, you should not discuss any problems in the presence of a child, much less speak badly about the father who left the family, even if he deserves it. On the contrary, explain to the child that the circumstances have developed that way and dad is not to blame. There is a significant difference between the phrases: “Dad doesn’t live with us because he doesn’t want to” - and “because he can’t” or “we decided that it would be better for all of us.” Since the child very accurately captures the emotions of the parents, so try to believe yourself that your new life will not be joyless, and difficulties - everyone has them and you will cope with them.

Try to draw your children’s attention to even the smallest successes of your current situation, and perceive grief and failure as a passing phenomenon. Don't be discouraged if your ex-spouse refuses to provide you with any support. Forget all the grievances and disappointments, unfulfilled hopes and leave a chance for your ex-husband that, having come to his senses, he can do something for the little person in whose birth he was directly involved.

Divorce is the saddest form of relationship between a man and a woman. It’s even sadder when children experience the consequences of their parents’ separation. Officially, the man divorces his wife. Informally with children. This is the real picture of the situation.

Legal guarantees of the father

Unlike the West, where each parent has absolutely equal rights to their children, in Russia women have a predominant position. After a divorce, minor children rarely remain with their father, more often with their mother. For the court to decide to entrust the upbringing to a man, there must be a good reason, for example, the mother’s alcoholism. In other cases, the court takes into account that child upbringing should be carried out by the mother.

And, unfortunately, this is where the worst problems begin. Parents continue to share the child, or rather the time spent with him. Many women limit the time that a child should spend with his father, preventing this in every possible way, either openly or coming up with various reasons. And if this time is not precisely determined by the court, then the father has practically no chance of meeting. Fathers rarely manage to see their children after a divorce, and most often the reason for this is the incomprehensible principles of their ex-wife. To determine whether the father has the right to see the child after a divorce and how often, legal standards should be consulted.

A man, as a father, has the rights:

• for education;
• for training and solving issues related to education;
• legally represent the interests of a minor;
• protect the rights of a minor son or daughter;
• have access to information from educational, educational and medical institutions.

As you can see, the regulations on the relationship between a divorced man and his minor daughter or son are quite broad.

Legal standards for communication between father and children

According to the law, divorce does not limit the relationship between father and children. Regardless of whether he got married or whether he has more children, the father can see the children from his previous marriage during a divorce. The law usually does not stipulate exact terms, amount of time, or meeting places. Most often, a divorced man and woman resolve such issues verbally, trying to reach an agreement peacefully. But the existence of such an agreement does not solve anything in reality. Some men, tired of begging their ex-wife for the right to communicate with their own children, simply forget about them, create a new family and lead a separate life. As a result, the child suffers, deprived of his father's attention. Some men seek their legal paternity rights by all means, turning to lawyers and the court.

Ideally, the father can see the child as much as he wants, can take him away for several days, and travel with him. The exact dates and schedule of meetings are approved by the court in case of disagreement between the parties. This usually happens in cases where the ex-wife prevents the ex-husband and minor son or daughter from meeting.

Thus, how long a father can see a child after a divorce depends on many factors, but there are rules that are common to all:

• a minor child or teenager must communicate with both father and mother;
• all disputes must be resolved in court if it is impossible to reach an agreement;
• The best option is a meeting schedule.

Meetings as scheduled

If a divorced man and woman managed to maintain a normal healthy relationship, and children’s interests are placed above personal principles, then there are no obstacles to meetings and communication. The employment of both parents, place of residence, and the child’s daily routine are taken into account. There are options when the father takes the child with him on weekends or holidays. If, for example, the father lives in another city and cannot often visit the teenager, then meetings take place whenever possible, not excluding other methods of communication: telephone conversations, video chats.

Court intervention

By limiting the communication of her ex-husband with their joint children, a woman thereby violates the law and in order to resolve the disagreements that have arisen, a man can go to court. In this case, the judge sets the rules for meetings, taking into account the interests, first of all, of the minor. And, conversely, there may be cases when a woman goes to court to limit the child’s communication with the father if the latter ignores parental responsibilities and does not pay child support. There are cases when a father can see his children only in front of witnesses.

What to do if your ex-spouse does not allow you to communicate with your children

Such situations are common among divorced people. Often the reason for this is elementary pride, anger and resentment harbored by a woman against a man. And thus, a woman violates the rights of both her ex-husband and her own children, since according to the Family Code of the Russian Federation, a minor has the right:

• know and communicate with both parents;
• to be under the protection and care of both dad and mom;
• to be raised by parents;
• be provided by parents.

If the ex-wife does not allow the man to communicate with the children openly or by finding some excuses, then the solutions are as follows.

1. Try to come to an agreement. You need to give a little time for the woman to calm down and cool down. After this, you need to calmly convey to her that this will only make things worse for the baby.
2. Change. If your ex-wife does not allow you to communicate with your children due to, for example, your alcoholism, then you need to prove to her that you are a worthy father.
3. Go to court. This is an extreme measure that will undoubtedly worsen the relationship with the ex-wife, since she will be forced not to limit the minors’ meetings with their father. But this is the most effective measure.

The judge can help the spouses reach an agreement in the courtroom. To do this, they will need to draw up a written agreement on the rules of communication. The contract must stipulate:

• how often the father can see the child;
• place of communication;
• additional conditions (joint trips, vacations, etc.).

If the minor is 10 years old at the time of the trial, then his opinion is also taken into account, which may influence the decision of the court.

Consequences of obstructing the execution of a court decision

If the woman still does not follow the judge’s decision, then she will face punishment:

• administrative penalty;
• Bailiffs can return the child to the father;
• conversations are held with the mother, warnings are issued;
• If a teenager has a negative attitude towards his father, then consultations with a psychologist are prescribed by court.

Unfortunately, human disputes and clarification of relationships between a man and a woman can lead to trauma in the child’s psyche. Adults, competing for superiority, do not think about this. But during a divorce, the main thing is to protect the children’s interests, and this is what the court thinks about.

Family law pursues the goal: to provide parents with the opportunity to exercise their parental rights, and for children to have the opportunity to fully communicate with their father and mother. Especially after a divorce, which in itself is a serious trauma for both parents and children.

In fact, the opposite often happens: instead of maintaining normal relationships, ex-spouses use children as targets or weapons in the fight against each other. Often the mother prevents communication with the child after a divorce, and the father demonstratively refuses to raise and support the children. And everyone only suffers from this.

In this article we will try to understand the ups and downs of communication between parents and children after a divorce. And determine the procedure for overcoming controversial issues.

Limiting communication between father and child after divorce

Since in most cases, after a divorce, the child remains with the mother, it is the mothers who become opponents of full communication between father and child. The mother begins to abuse her rights and infringe on the rights of the father for a variety of reasons (including because of resentment and the desire to take revenge on her ex-husband). She herself determines the order of meetings between the father and the child, limits the time they communicate, and sometimes does not allow them to see each other at all.

Sometimes the father is not at all embarrassed by this state of affairs. But as a rule, the father defends his legal rights to communicate with the child after a divorce.

How many times can a father see a child after a divorce according to the law?

Mothers often ask whether it is possible to legally prohibit a father from seeing his child.

Question

My husband and I recently divorced due to his alcohol abuse. The children - a 12-year-old son and an 8-year-old daughter - stayed to live with me. The children's father lives not far from us, and I do not limit his communication with the children. I don’t mind him seeing them off and picking them up from school, accompanying them to clubs, spending time in the park and on the playground. But I don’t want the children to stay overnight with their father, either on weekdays or on weekends, because I’m not sure that his housing is suitable for this (size, furniture, cleanliness, as well as unwanted neighbors and guests). My ex-husband says that I set illegal restrictions and insists on longer meetings with the children. Which one of us is right?

Answer

To answer this question, you need to remember the basics of family law (Chapter 12 of the RF IC), according to which children living together are treated equally. In addition, according to Art. 55 of the RF IC, the divorce of parents should not become a reason for the infringement of the child’s rights to communicate with his father and mother. By blocking the father from meeting with the children, the mother violates the law.

However, in some cases, communication between the father and the child may be limited by the court - if this communication is harmful to the physical or psychological development of the child. For example, if the father leads an immoral lifestyle, uses alcohol or drugs, insults his ex-wife, turns the child against the mother, and the like.

If the father’s behavior does not cause any complaints, there is no reason to limit his participation in the child’s life. The father can also go to court if he believes that the mother is violating his legal right to participate in raising joint children.

Unfortunately, the law does not specify the permissible number of hours or days that a father can spend with a child. But this only means that parents need to independently (or with the help of the court) reach an agreement on the procedure for communicating with the child. The schedule and order of meetings will directly depend on circumstances such as the age of the children, the degree of affection, distance, employment and the capabilities of the parents.

Below we will look at how and in what form a schedule for meetings between parents and children is established.

How can parents reach an agreement on how to communicate with their child?

Parents can determine the frequency and duration of meetings between father and child (as well as other features of their communication, depending on the circumstances) in several ways. The law provides for the possibility of drawing up a written agreement or going to court. In practice, an oral agreement between parents is also possible.

Verbal agreement between parents

It’s good if the former spouses maintained human relationships after the divorce. If parents understand the importance of the child's communication with both mother and father, and are equally responsible for his upbringing, they can agree verbally. No documents are required.

For example, according to an oral agreement, the father takes the child to his place every weekend, and the mother does not control the communication process, since she recognizes the ex-husband’s right to raise their common child.

Of course, not every parent can boast of such a conscientious attitude towards their parental responsibilities and such a respectful attitude towards each other.

Written parental agreement

Question. My wife and I divorced, we have a 10-year-old child together. My wife and child live in another city, quite far away - 200 km away. To see my son, I come to see him at least once or twice a month. But my ex-wife is wary of letting the child go with me, so I only have one day at my disposal. Does the wife have the right to dictate the terms of meetings with the child? Is it possible to enter into a written contract with my wife?

If one parent abuses his rights or infringes on the rights of the other parent, if there are disputes between the parents about how often meetings should take place with the child, it would be reasonable to formulate these rights in writing by drawing up a special agreement. In it, among other conditions regarding joint upbringing and parental participation in the life of a son or daughter, it is necessary to provide ...

• Place and time of meetings;
• Duration of meetings (for example, number of hours - on weekdays and weekends, days - during school holidays);
• Types of joint leisure and unacceptable ways of spending time;
• The possibility of the second parent and other relatives being present at parent-child meetings.

There is no need to have the agreement certified by a notary. But if parents want to be sure that the document does not contradict the interests of the child, it can be agreed upon with the guardianship and trusteeship authority.

Determining meetings with a child through the court

It happens that after a divorce, the relationship between the former spouses is so destroyed that it is impossible to peacefully agree on communication with the child. And it happens that a previously concluded written agreement is simply ignored by one of the parents. In this case, the dispute is resolved in court with the obligatory participation of the guardianship and trusteeship authority.

Question. My son divorced his wife. The common child lives with his mother.The ex-wife strictly limits the time spent together between father and child and is personally present during their communication. And judging by how insecure and fearful the child behaves during these rare, short and very uncomfortable meetings, the mother is turning the child against the father. Howachieve normal meetings with your child after a divorce?

Depending on the circumstances, the following claims may be filed:

• on determining the order of communication between a mother or father and a minor child;
• on restricting communication between a father or mother and a child after a divorce (if the circumstances specified in Article 66 of the RF IC occur);
• on the procedure for communication with the child of other relatives (specified in Article 67 of the RF IC).

Disputes between parents about children are resolved exclusively by the district court, and should be filed there.

Communication schedule with your child: time and hours

One of the attachments to the statement of claim may be communication schedule with your child. This document contains an approximate or exact schedule of meetings between parents and the child, their time and duration, place and method, as well as other forms of communication (telephone calls, correspondence).

Parents will have to draw up a schedule for communicating with their child on their own, depending on the circumstances and characteristics of family relationships. If serious difficulties arise, you should seek help from a lawyer.

It must be said right away that the law does not provide any restrictions on the amount of time a father or mother spends with a child. Restrictions are established in exceptional cases, for example, if the mother is categorically against it, and the father has to seek meetings with the child in court, or if the mother has good reasons to limit the father’s time together with his daughter or son.

It is important for both mother and father, if they are not deprived of parental rights, to fulfill the role provided for by law in the child’s life, maintain relationships with him, educate him, and take part in his development and formation.

At the same time, it must be taken into account that the father’s possibilities are not limitless, taking into account work, workload with other matters, distance, and sometimes a new marital status. On the opposite side there may also be reasonable restrictions. Therefore, the schedule of meetings between the parent and the child is formed taking into account all significant circumstances, such as the parents’ employment, separation, as well as the age of the child, his capabilities and wishes, and the degree of attachment between the parent and the child.

For example, the regularity and duration of meetings between a father and a one-year-old baby may differ from meetings between a father and a teenager. In the first case, half an hour a day may be enough, in the second, you can arrange for the child to visit his father for the entire weekend. The ways you spend time together will also be different. In the first case, meetings can take place in the presence and accompaniment of a nursing mother, in the second, the father can be given complete freedom to communicate with his daughter or son.

It is advisable to include in the schedule the possibility of spontaneous, unplanned meetings. After all, even the most organized mother may suddenly need help with her child, or the busiest father may have free time to meet with his child.

Judicial practice in cases of this category is based on the fact that the order of meetings between parents and children should be as strict as possible. specific and clear. Uncertainty, the lack of an exact schedule of days and hours makes the court decision unenforceable, allows for the possibility of manipulation and mutual claims, puts parents and children in a dependent position, and prevents planning and compliance with the child’s full-fledged regime.

Thus, the communication schedule with the child must contain specific schedule:

• days of the week and hours (on weekdays and weekends, holidays);
• time, place of meetings;
• duration of meetings;
• ways to spend time;
• the possibility of presence and accompaniment (for example, mother, maternal or paternal relatives - grandparents, siblings and half-brothers);
• procedure for joint school holidays and parental leave.

In this case, the individual circumstances listed above must be taken into account.

If one of the parents (mother or father) violates the established schedule - ignores or interferes with meetings at the appointed time, this may be qualified as failure to comply with a court decision, for which a fine of 1000 to 2500 rubles is provided. (according to Articles 17.14 - 17.15 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation).

Case consideration and judicial practice

Question. My husband divorced me because of an affair with another woman. After the divorce he married her. In our marriage a child was born, he is now 3 years old. The ex-husband takes the initiative to meet with him, but wants to see the child at any time convenient for him, and also, at his own request, take him to his place. My participation in these meetings is categorically unacceptable. He says he will achieve this through the courts. Can the court accommodate the husband?

Having considered the plaintiff's application, the court examines the case materials. The following circumstances are taken into account:

• The age of the child, the level of his physical and psychological development;
• The moral qualities of the parent, the order of meetings with whom is determined by the court;
• The schedule of communication with the child proposed by the plaintiff - the time and regularity of meetings, the conditions and method of holding meetings.

To make a fair decision, the court relies on the following evidence:

• recommendations of the guardianship authority;
• parental characteristics;
• witness statements, recordings of conversations, letters.

If there are no grounds for refusing to satisfy the claim, the court, by its decision, approves the order of communication between the father and the child in the form requested by the plaintiff (taking into account the changes and additions made to the claims during the judicial review process).

If the court finds that satisfying the claim will violate the child’s interests, that meetings with parents will negatively affect the child’s physical and psychological development (for example, affect his well-being, behavior, and success at school), the plaintiff’s claims will be rejected. The court may also limit visits between the father and the child (for example, only in the presence of the mother).

Liability for violating the order of communication with a child established by the court

If a court decision to determine meetings with a child has entered into legal force, but one of the parents still acts in his own way, preventing the child from having a normal relationship with the other parent, he can be held accountable. There is a fine for such a violation.

For systematic violation of the order of meetings determined through the court, one of the parents has the right to demand a change in the child’s place of residence (for example, if the mother categorically denies the father the opportunity to see and raise their common child, the father can ensure that the child lives with him).

Ask a question to an expert lawyer for FREE!

According to Art. 61 of the RF IC, parents have equal rights to raise a child. Accordingly, after a divorce, the husband has the right to see the child as much as he wishes. However, practice shows that wives try to take revenge on their husbands for divorce, using the child in this case. Based on clause 3 of Article 66 of the RF IC, administrative fines can be imposed on the wife if she does not allow her to see the child. So, it all depends on your desire. First, you need to spell out all the specifics of meetings between father and child in the agreement that is signed by the parents at the time of the divorce. It is best to determine this issue in advance. Remember that divorce should in no way affect your child or the process of raising him.

Can a father see a child after a divorce?

1. The Family Code of our country determines that parents are endowed with equal rights. And even if the child remains to live with the mother, this does not mean that she should refuse her husband to visit the child;
2. If the wife prohibits her husband from visiting the child, in this case, you must immediately go to court and demand that fines be imposed on the spouse for violating the established legislation;
3. The best option is to set the visiting time and days during the process of drawing up the agreement.

How can you start seeing your child?

Remember that this issue is extremely complex, and if you want to achieve your goal, then you need to act wisely and correctly. Best of all, be patient and have the help of experienced specialists, and then, very soon, you will get exactly the desired result.

The law is a specific set of rules that, in principle, protect the rights of citizens, as well as their certain obligations and responsibilities. The law must exist in...

The “Man and the Law” program is the basis for considering interesting cases that directly relate to legal issues. On the program website www.1tv.ru you can find...